I just got home from my sister's bridal shower. It started out well, socialization, food, wine, presents. Inevitably, though, there was enough wine for emotions to surface. I should have anticipated this.
My sister is getting married. Those of you who are married know that this is a big deal. She is marrying a great man, who has flaws, of course, but lifts her in ways that she needs. He loves her. And I love him for that. But she is a girl who is getting married without either parent to see her through this. Both of our parents are dead, and though we both may say we have adjusted to this, neither of us have.
There is no adjusting to losing your parents.
My sister is getting married, and has her brother walking her down the aisle. Her sister, who is broken and divorcing, is trying to mother her through this. Her aunt, who has never had a child, is doing what she can to support her. None of us is succeeding. I can see our failures. I see them after the shower has ended, the guests have left, and my sister is drunk and sullen and unable to articulate why, after all these gifts, after this party celebrating her, she cannot stop crying. I know her pain. I know her agony. And I can't make it better.
It is the worst anguish.
There is celebration. And at the same time, there is devastation.
Listening to: Ours "Meet Me At The Tower" on repeat